“Girl Dinners” vs “Husband Meals” Are What’s Wrong With Society’s Attitudes Towards Food and Gender

Can I not eat whatever I want yet?

Whilst I originally wrote this article last year — and I’m hearing less about Girl Dinner and Husband Meals these days— the issues remain in our society. It’s time to talk about them.

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“You eat like a boy.”

So went the so-called burn by someone to me once as I stuffed my gob with all the food I could find on the heaving table of delights at a Christmas party.

Chicken wings. Mac and cheese. Jalapeño poppers.

I ate it all.

According to the internet, that’s not very ladylike of me. Because what I ate there sounds a lot like what has been dubbed a Husband Meal.

According to GQ, a Husband Meal is normally huge (whole pizzas, three people’s worth of Chinese food) or long and complicated (three-day marinated BBQ steaks) and only eaten by men when their spouses are out of town.

I, as a woman, however, should be more interested in Girl Dinner. Picky bits of stuff from the fridge plated up and consumed with a “naughty” (spare me) glass of wine.

You can package this whole thing up however you like, but all I see is that food is still being used as a gendered weapon. That we are still imposing what it is to be a woman and what it is to be man through what we stuff in our faces.

That we are supposed to like different things from each other.

That we pretend what we choose to eat is our choice, and not influenced by societal norms.

But as I retorted to that burn:

“I don’t eat like a boy. I eat like a human.”

Food should never be weaponized. But that’s exactly what Husband Meals and Girl Dinners do.

I’ll be damned if I’ll eat small

The original girl dinner is attributed to TikiToker Olivia Maher. Her dinner consisted of one small slice of bread, a couple of hunks of cheese, a glass of wine, a few grapes, and some gherkins.

That, apparently, is Girl Dinner.

Whereas according to that GQ article, a Husband Meal might include “a gigantic wok full of Spam fried rice” or “enough Chinese that they put in two or three place settings.”

Both are supposed to be exactly what the person wants to eat, not what society tells them they should.

So why the girl dinners always so small and husband meals always so big?

I’m not a big calorie counter but if you use calories as a marker, that Girl Dinner is about 600 calories whereas that Chinese takeout is about 3,400.

All I see is BS societal norms. As this study points out:

“Women have been socialized to eat in a more feminine manner.”

I saw the differences between male and female attitudes to sustenance in my wine bar all the time. Groups of women would come in, buy one glass of wine or G+T (gin & tonic) and nurse it for hours, perhaps with a snack.

Men would come in and sink bottle after bottle and give our kitchen staff a real workout.

You can tell me all you like as a woman that one G+T is what you wanted, or as a man, you just fancied sinking a bottle of wine to yourself, but I won’t believe you had that much of a say in your behaviours.

Society says women eat and drink small and dainty whilst men eat and drink big and dirty.

Reinforce that enough times and that’s exactly what will happen.

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Men are from Pizza Hut, women are from Whole Foods

I can’t believe I have to say this in our modern age, but the food you eat does not have to be gendered. You can eat — genuinely eat — whatever you want.

It should start young. The sooner we drum into our kids that the size of their appetites and what they eat shouldn’t have anything to do with whether they identify as male or female, the better.

It starts with fairy cakes and monster truck birthday cakes, it ends with small Girl Dinners and big Husband Meals.

Which is why, when my 15-year-old nephew told me I couldn’t order a pint because “girls shouldn’t drink beer” I gave him a serious talking to (and then to my older brother).

As a woman, I’m terrified that gendered eating is still a thing. I grew up in the nineties and noughties, a time when a woman couldn’t be a size 4 without being branded jumbo.

A time when Victoria Beckham was forced to weigh herself on live TV to prove she’d lost her baby weight.

And a time when Man vs. Food saw a dude being praised for his ability to eat supersized dishes.

For so many women at that time, food became about small portions and diet culture. And whilst Girl Dinner is allegedly a rally against dieting (many of them include cheese, bread, and wine), it still reinforces the idea that these sorts of foods are naughty.

By labeling it as such, we’re still drawing lines in the sand between what women should and shouldn’t eat. What we should feel ashamed about and what we shouldn’t.

And it goes both ways.

Back to that GQ article, one of the men interviewed said they love toast with butter, sardines, lemon juice, and flaky sea salt. The interviewee — a woman — said her “eyes narrowed at (that). It was suspiciously chic — almost Girl Dinner-adjacent.”

Oh please.

When can we just eat what we want to eat?

Why you can’t eat what you want around your partner?

The argument for Girl Dinners and Husband Meals is strikingly similar.

It’s — apparently — exactly what you want to eat when you are on your own.

They’re secretive. And with secrets come shame.

There’s an is it just me? energy about both that seek online validation. People want to know they’re not alone with their “shameful” eating habits. And, of course, the Internet comes out in droves because no, they’re not.

But why can’t people eat what they want when their partner is around? Why do indulgences have to be separate? Because both trends certainly claim indulgence.

That original TikToker said in the New York Times:

“You’re like, ‘I barely worked for this and it feels like an indulgence.’ That’s what makes it girl dinner.”

Whereas Husband Meals are:

“Usually not going to require a ton of effort or precise plating. After all, you’re the only one seeing it. And if nobody’s watching you eat it, well, however sloppy you get is between you and God.”

Whilst all of us, of course, eat on our own sometimes, one of life’s biggest pleasures is to eat communally. Not only is it a pleasure but it’s better for you, both physically and psychologically.

Just ask any European. Only a third of their meals are eaten alone compared to America’s half.

Girl Dinners and Husband Meals pit males and females against each other. They suggest that eating alone is better because it’s only then that you can be your true self. Not with your partner or your kids or your friends.

Alone.

And of course, only if what you want fits into the narrative. Are you a woman? It’s a Girl Dinner for you. A man? Husband meals only.

Nope nope nope.

To eat is to be human. So eat

Eat the sardines with butter on bread.

Eat the Indian takeout made for three people.

Eat the hunks of cheese straight out of the fridge.

Eat the Cheetos from the bag.

Eat the wholegrain salad.

Drink the wine. The beer. The whisky, the gin, the coke, the water, the juice.

Be a he, she, or they, and stuff your face with whatever you please.

Enjoy eating with others. Alone. At a restaurant. In your house.

Enjoy food in all its forms.

No shame. No judgment. No divides along gender norms or social constructs.

Eat. Be human.

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